Monday, June 18, 2007

Me and my dont-know-what-kind hat




Somethings is very different here. But you won't be able to tell...: ) I told you about the murder happened in my building a few years back. The killer is a black man. Tonight I met a huge black man in the elevator in my building and he behaved very strange and overly friendly. I were a bit concerned. Am I silly?

Thursday, June 07, 2007

北逾陰山

北逾陰山,西極流沙,東盡遼左,南越海表


“敲剝天下之骨髓,離散天下之子女,以奉我一人之淫樂,視爲當然"
這才是真正的“英雄本質”,金海陵如此,成吉思汗如此,天驕傲世,帝王風流,又有幾個不是如此呢? 奇怪的芸芸衆生偏偏崇拜這等食人的魔頭,老百姓愛看宮廷戯,莫非是‘雖不能至,心嚮往之’?


Is it really telling how I feel sometimes about some evil coorperations and some political leaders.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

First article I wrote for a newspaper


Wrote this article for a chinse newspaper. Still haven't heard anything back from them. I guess it is not good enough: )


在加拿大的电脑动画行业工作有好几年的时间了。

最近的这份工作是为一家本地的电脑游戏制作室制作环境和人物模型,同时负责所有的技术翻译沟通工作。公司在一年前在北京设立了新的制作室,经理是山东人有很强的管理能力,但不会讲英文。

我们的游戏制作小组开始时有25人,除了我以外全是男性。在男性为主的团体内工作有利有弊。通常这类的工作薪酬较高,在应征者之间有相同资历的情况下,女性应征者通常有优势。行内的管理阶层似乎普遍认为阴阳平衡有利于稳定心理情绪,和在一定范围内避免摩擦。加上这类行业本来女性就不多。

但在可能有利益冲突的工作环境,男女是等同的,竞争是时刻存在的。女性其实往往要付出更多的时间和精力才能在实质上得到团体的认同和尊重。加上文化背景的鸿沟,事情会变得更复杂甚至戏剧性。

当前温哥华大约有15 间电脑游戏制作公司。规模最大是EA. 我所在的公司有100人,全职的有大约一半,其他的都是短期合同工。在这行业能得到全职长期合同工作是幸运的。只有全职长期工作人员才能享有公司的各种福利。大多数刚毕业的制作人员现在一般要在得到3,4 年的短期合同工作的经验后才有望得到一份正式的全职工作。有一部分公司甚至没有全职工,当然这些公司有较高的制作人员流动率。

近几年内提供设计制作培训的学校开办了不少,每年毕业的学生现在开始有供过于求的趋势。加上这一行业在某种程度上跟工厂制造业相像,是劳动密集型的工作,只是现在还是一个较新的科技含量行业,其他的发展中国家还没有完全消化。比起象汽车,服装这些有形的产品,这一行业的成品以0101的形式存在,在网上以秒计进行运输。国际化的成本相对很小。将来国际地球村的发展可以预见本地这行未来劳动密集型工作的大幅减少,取而代之以的增加会是在创意构思和客户服务性的工作。在这些发展趋势的影响下,未来可能只有具备技术和艺术高质量结合的制作人员才能在真正程度上‘生存’。要达到这种Geek的境界,需要对行业的最由衷的热爱。有点象真正幸福的婚姻关系,是强求不来的,也是难以用言语形容的。

‘生存’这概念我看是中西有别的。我想在生活态度上加拿大人更注重个性,个人能力的发展培养。过的爽快是最重要的,似乎在帮助高中毕业生择业的时候,他们会花费大部分的时间找寻自我。从我过往的经验看来,国内教育界和家庭更实际,会花较大的精力在社会调查上,寻找最热门的,最有发展潜力的工作以求生活的保障。这两者都是无可厚非的。只是有时候我想,现在真的有所谓的职业保障吗?就算有,可不可以将这个职业指标视为可悲呢?有时候我觉得,人就像一个木啤酒桶,生存能力和质量是由每一根木板的长度和质量而决定的。木板的长度和质量就像人的各种不同的知识和能力,优质的组合造就高质的生活,富有幽默感的灵魂。最好的生存保障只能通过个人知识范围和能力的提升而达致,通过最大限度的自我尊重和理解而达到。了解和尊重自我其实不是一件容易的事情。特别对于涉世不深的年轻人,在找寻和自我认可的过程中很大程度上需要家庭和教育机构的帮助。

你要是问我最让我烦恼的是什么? 我想是我的短期性‘笑不出来’或‘假笑’症状。 似乎在这一行业工作的男性都有一个共性:最爱讲笑话。有时候我觉得甚至有点像一种比赛,谁讲的更好笑,谁是老大哥。有时候黄色笑话是不可避免的。听说因为我的到来,他们饱受了压抑黄色笑话之苦。我是自认幽默之人,是最爱听笑话的,也爱讲笑话。我发现很多我的名牌笑话翻译过来就不好笑了,成为类似疯人疯语,还是好笑的,只是质量不一样。他们的笑话有时候成为我的每日一语英文学习。当然还是好笑的,只是有时候是一天以后才笑得出来,当时就只能以假笑代之了,或者一个‘笑不出来’的蒙罗丽莎类微笑。

有一天我要出版一部插图的《加拿大电脑怪杰笑话录》,让大家也分享一些粗话和无厘头的幽默。

如果您能笑出来的话,优游潇洒的加拿大生活应该不远了。:)

First Level in CFP Done


Today is the last class for CFP 1. It was a fun class. I had learnt a lot from my classmates and Dick.
Hopefully this will mark the first chapter of my new exciting career experience! Wish me best of luck...
I am going to Victoria this weekend for 5 days and I will be a simultanious translator for the world sustainable environment leader summit. I can't wait to meet the chinese delegation. They are heros in my eyes. I am happy that I can contribute a bit to the environment.

Friday I am going to Richmond and I will help out with North west wild life . I will be able to show kids how to draw map and help them learn more about wildlife in BC. ( I want to learn more too : ) )

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Why old pictures are always prettier?




葬花吟

花谢花飞花满天,红消香断有谁怜?

游丝软系飘春榭,落絮轻沾扑绣帘?

闺中女儿惜春暮,愁绪满怀无释处;

手把花锄出绣闺,忍踏落花来复去?

柳丝榆荚自芳菲,不管桃飘与李飞;

桃李明年能再发,明年闺中知有谁?

三月香巢已垒成,梁间燕子太无情!

明年花发虽可啄,

却不道人去梁空巢也倾。

一年三百六十日,风刀霜剑严相逼;

明媚鲜妍能几时,一朝飘泊难寻觅。

花开易见落难寻,阶前闷杀葬花人;

独倚花锄泪暗洒,洒上空枝见血痕。

杜鹃无语正黄昏,荷锄归去掩重门;

青灯照壁人初睡,冷雨敲窗被未温。

为奴底事倍伤神,半为怜春半恼春:

怜春忽至恼忽去,至又无言去不闻。

昨宵庭外悲歌发,知是花魂与鸟魂?

花魂鸟魂总难留,鸟自无言花自羞;

愿奴胁下生双翼,随花飞到天尽头。

天尽头,何处有香丘?

未若锦囊收艳骨,一抔净土掩风流;

质本洁来还洁去,强于污淖陷渠沟。

尔今死去侬收葬,未卜侬身何日丧?

侬今葬花人笑痴,他年葬侬知是谁?

试看春残花渐落,便是红颜老死时;

一朝春尽红颜老,花落人亡两不知!



I remember her. One of the best TV operas from the famous (A Dream Of The Red Mensions ). She were the DaiYu. A very sad but beautiful character. My classmates from my middle shchool used to say I look a lot like her.

I can't believe she is dead now. After her conversion to buddhism, what had happened to her for all these years? She herself is one Daiyu.




Jane Austin

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

What is the point?


I am dying for some exploration and travellings. Sometimes I just want to give up everything and just go with the wind.

Modern life is rather a silly thing. Am I doom to be trapped in the debt of my parents and gloria career thing?

I just want to experiece different things, obtain different knowledge, try to get the abilities to look at life and human behavior from different angles.

If that is not the reason of living, what will it be?

Confession

Who am I? Sometimes I ask myself. Seems like my life is useless as music. What kind of musci is it? Is the kind that turning from know to unknown over and over again like a running river, a bit polluted but it is running and sometimes it hit something harsh and cry out one or two spashes.

I feel peaceful on my own with my books. I love reading, no nonsense, and most the humor from them I can actually understand.

I am under pressure from my family and sometimes even myself to find someone and settle down have kids. Be honest with you, what is the point? Human being sometimes in my mind are cancer cells, where ever we go, pure and beautiful things get destroyed and we even destroy each others.
I just can not see the point why producing more trouble to the world.

Why am I so negative? Maybe it is just in my gene, I could not help it. : ( One say: the view someone towards the world reflect how much he love himself. I guess all depends. I love myself, maybe a bit too much. That is proably why I get disappointed and wondering why people can be so full of BS?

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I feel great! ( what should I do with my eyebrows?)



After about 2 weeks rest without any significant stress, I feel like a new person. It is amazing how much damage can stress cause you. I finally feel like myself again and I can actually have time to read and maybe volunteer.

Have a few choices now: red cross, environmental group or business centre downtown. I will love to volunteer for the environmental group.

I might be able to work for BOM as a stock broker's assistant. It is weird that I already have a rather negative image towards stock broker - they must have red eyes all the time and wear underwear outside of their pants with hair like a bird nest.




Sunday, May 06, 2007

菊花台 Words from a beautiful song

Those are some of the most beautiful girls in china. Is like reading a poem while looking at these pictures : ) ( I am not a lesbian just to be clear)

Below are words from a very beautiful song from : Curse of the golden flower







你的泪光
柔弱中带伤
惨白的月弯弯,钩住过往
夜,太漫长
凝结成了霜
是谁在阁楼上,冰冷的绝望
雨,轻轻弹
朱红色的窗
我一生在纸上,被风吹乱
梦,在远方
化成一缕香
随风飘散,你的模样
菊花残,满地伤
你的笑容已泛黄
花落人断肠,我心事静静躺
北风乱,夜未央
你的影子剪不断
徒留我孤单在湖面
成双
花,已向晚
飘落了灿烂
凋谢的世道上
命运不堪
愁 莫渡江
秋心拆两半
怕你上不了岸 一辈子摇晃
谁的江山
马蹄声狂乱
我 一身的戎装
呼啸沧桑
天 微微亮
你轻声地叹
一夜惆怅 如此委婉
菊花残 满地伤
你的笑容已泛黄
花落人断肠 我心事静静躺
北风乱 夜未央
你的影子剪不断
徒留我孤单 在湖面
成双
菊花残 满地伤
你的笑容已泛黄
花落人断肠 我心事静静躺
北风乱 夜未央
你的影子剪不断
徒留我孤单 在湖面
成双

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Just Got my CitizenShip Photo ( below )


Apparently, you are not allowed to smile and have facial expressions. I managed to put in a bit of very subtle upper lip movement there. Otherwise, I will look angry and hungry.
Not Bad?!

There are two very strange man come up to me on the street while I were speed walking back to the library to get my forgotten bag full of new clothes. One man told me I have a very unique walk and shake my hand, not like common asian girls walk with two feet facing inwards, ( I guess I were just walking like anyone else but a bit faster). And he also want to know what stuff are in the bag I forgot in the library. Where I came from what am I doing in canada.
I can't help but wonder: Why is that your business?What kind of man will analysis how asian girl walks except he is a freak? What difference can it make asian girl or white girl? You son of a B!!

Vancouer is a city full of freaks and creeps.
Being an asian girl right away let people think they can just ask what color is your under wear right away and where you live. Sometimes I get so angry I just want to tell them to F off.

Calm down. I might need some anger managment.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Live the life of the intellect. Should really with or without a penis make such big differences?


She was a declared atheist from this time, resolved to live the life of the intellect, rather than the spirit.

In 1955 The Mandarins, considered by some to be her best book, was published. It was based loosely on her relatioships with Algen and Sartre and won the Prix Goncourt - the highest literary honour in France. Again banned by the Catholic church, it was dedicated to Algren, despite his unhappiness with the contents. Between 1958 and 1972, simone published four autobiographical works - Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter, The Prime of Life, Force of Circumstance and All Said and Done. These all demonstrated that, as far as possible, she lived like her heroines: and independent woman shaping her life with decisions she made for herself.

In her later books, Simone turned her focus to the subject of decline and death, depicting the problems of ageing and society's indifference to older people in A Very Easy Death and Old age. In 1981 she published A Farewell to Sartre - an account of the last years of Satre's life.

She died of pneumonia in Paris on 14 April 1986 and was buried beside Satre in the Cimetiere de Montparnasse. ' Our relationship', she said, 'was the greatest achievement of my life.'

Something I will love to do?

Hi Lauren

I will be happy to advise you but must wait until my return and it is best to do in person. I will be in touch when I return in mid-May about this point and Gaining Ground.
Michael
At 04:25 PM 26/04/2007 -0700, you wrote:
Hi Micheal:

If I want to pursue some studies in the environmental protection field, what kind of courses will you recommand me?

incoming mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 7.0.463 / Virus Database: 269 - Release Date: 25/04/2007

A letter I wrote

Good Morning:

The reference letter is for future use in case I want to one day get back to working in 3d. I will get some canadian fine art and design training for I indeed very much enjoy art and design and that was the reason I took it as my first degree in china.

The reasons I left the job are complicated, but it is definitely not because I dislike being an artist with good income.
The reason I decide to learn some different things are also complicated, but it is not just for the pursuit of money.

I am looking for a temparery parttime job the moment for at least 4 months. Someone might contact you for my reference.

May I please still refer you as one of my references?

Thank you so much

Canuck go! Enjoy all the games... I am better in watching hocky,and my eyes can follow the puck now.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Man - 85 percent of the time thinking about sex


Yes, I agree. It is scary!

Is that why some of them look at woman with their semi evil eyes? Is that why if you be friendly with them they will think you want to have intercourse? Is that why if you smile at them they will " fall right in love" with you?

and is that why if you are pretty you get more guys ' friends' for some time even though your brain is made from tofu?

Is that why the two piece of meat on my upper legs become weapons?

Simonde de Beauvoir and Betty Friedan

I am feeling so much better recently. Finally I am me again and forgot about all those human drama and pointless jobs. Most important thing for now will be to solve out my finance and make some important decisions.

I just can't wait to do some reading and start to talk with some great mind again instead of Utube and pussy and hocky( this one is not bad actually)

Once I finish all those massive amount of homework. It will be time for me to sit down and have a really good look into my personall finance and may be have a chat with SC.

I want to read Simonde de Beauvoir's [ The Second Sex] and Betty Friedan 's [ The Feminine Mystique].

These 2 'most harmful books' of the last 2 centuries.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Time to Travel and take more pictures

I have heard some good comments concerning the pictures I took on my trips. Now I am not working, I think it is time for some serious travelling!!

Wait for some good pictures! or 'woman eaten by wild animal' news on local papers.

Scary: Mouse on strike


I just quit my job in next level games. Feeling a bit sad but also relieved.
Today is the first day of my freedom. My parents business is just starting and most of the time are they and my uncle doing all the works. Right now they are all in china and getting ready for a few things. My plan is to finish my classes and get a part time job while helping out the business.

I want to get the designation to be a certified financial planner. Not for any other fancy reaons, just that I want to learn more about money and how things works. Not for making more money but for the fun of discovery. Sounds crazy but if that will make me happy, why not?

I also want to do and learn a lot of other things.
For now, I need to chat with a few people( M and E), Go travel around BC , and maybe take a course in environment protection study. There is no money making business that is more excited than the environment business. There are so much issues which are linked to the conflict between human and the enviroment. It is such an exciting field. Do human and business really have a future? are we having a system which has foundamantal fraud and doom to fail and bring in disaster?

How money works and how human behaved and what are their connection with the earth? I wish I can soon get some satisfaction out of my quest to these complicated questions before I go totally depressed or insane.

Sometimes I doubt my sanity. Rather die a happy insane than a angry mouse I guess.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Changing of my direction


I have learnt so much from the teacher. She told us she is a cancer patient. I were amazed that someone can be so positive and strong while having such a deadly illness. I admire her courage and positive spirit. Hopefully I will get to talk to her again this wednesday and get some inspiration from her.

There are some very interesting people in the class. One man there has his own business and he apparently very good with finance and numbers. one girl there has a very big hair and speak very loud and one man sitting in the front were half sleep while he asked the teacher questions. Nobody know what he was talking about as a result.

I had lunch with some girls from work last thursday. There was so much fun chatting girly stuff and feeling like one of the girls again. It was nice to not feel guilty wearing a skirt and having my high heel shoes making noises. I wish I can be so charming and successful as them.


Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Am I depressed?

I went to see a career consellor today in UBC Robson Square. Two very firendly volunteers in the centre had a long talk with me. The conclusion at the end of my problem is lacking of social interaction. Diana recommend me to join 4 social organizations at once and try them out. 

I am exhausted and full of negative energy these days.  

Finally we got the confirm that my parents are indeed be able to come over for chinese new year in Feburary. Maybe finally, I will have the feeling of being in a family again.


I will get out of it. It is just part of life.




Tuesday, December 05, 2006

What if?

I am so busy at work. My parents are coming over for chinese new year! I am really not sure they will like it here or not, it is a beautiful place, but it can be a very loney place too.

kissing my computer good night



I am very busy rencently. Not very sure I should stay late till 7:30with Paul though. He mention he is gonna to do late night probably 3 nights a week.I think maybe I should go to work late as him and get dinner for staying late.Just maybe too much for my health to work so much.  I am currently working on new textures, tanslate character posts, and also conference call to Beijing every night.

Arthur seems has problem handing me the english version before 3:30. I am not sure I should still translate them the other day even though people in Beijing already fully understand it and has raise no questions.

what am I doing? I am a workaholic!!!!!!I am still thinking about work after taking a bath at home. If my computer is a man, we will probably already made 20 babies.


Sunday, December 03, 2006

I want to...


There are a few things I really want to do. Be a better writer, a better artist and build a nice home. Actually, not just that, I also want to dance, want to have some more nice friends and want to help our environment, try fishing, travel more and be very good with yoga practise or some kind of kongfu.

There are a few people in my life I really admire, like my mum, she doesn't know that, but after these years living on my own in different foreign countries, and working or even dating with quite a few assholes. I realize how tough her life must have been. She is my hero. Even more of a hero if she can give me more of my own space and be happier with her marriage.

I will try my best to pay her back. It won't be easy, but I will try.

Where is my Beijing?



I went to Beijing recently. I were so glad to see my colleagues and my family. Raymond has built a great team there in Beijing. They seems very close and sincere to each other. There was one guy who said to me before I left: remember you willl always have a second home here in Beijing, come back often and we will miss you. His word and the way he said it make me felt like crying out loud. By the way: this great young man is not in love with me, stop it please!

I feel sorry to see Beijing turning into a big lump of traffic and pollution. I went there with my mum and my friends 15 years ago, Beijing used to be so clean and magnificant.
I can't help but wonder: Is beijing or the whole china really moving forward into a sustailable prosperity? Or it is in a state like me with my career as someone's comment: being to eager to move forward and learn to a point that the whole effort almost seems ugly in the eyes of the rest of the world?

Is human race really have a future? Will all problems be solved if we can exist without relying on our body? Sometimes I wonder: am I the only person in the world actually realize we might be on our way to extinction and destroying every thing else on the way?



I found it sometimes amusing. People struggle for power, money, lust. We are all working so hard in this money machine system, fighting for pride and power and religion. But seems like nobody care the fact that: the way we live our life is destroying everything which we rely on and it is the only thing we have which is worth to treasure and to care for.

There is one surprise: I saw quite a lot of birds there in Beijing. I once saw a big one like an eagle flought over my hotel window. There is a saying: when a xique fly in front of you, you will have good luck that day. Wish the best luck to all creatures in this world.








Sunday, October 08, 2006

I am not bone and skin


我不是很瘦,虽然晓春哥说我越来越瘦,其实我还是有一点肉的。

Brunswick Point















星期五是中秋节,到林姐那吃了一顿营养丰富的晚饭。( 很好吃的虾) 那一天的月亮真的很圆。在加拿大不但菜种得大,人长得高大,怎么连月亮也显得特别大?:)


昨天去New Westminster 的Brunswick Dyke去了。

找停车的位置花了不少时间,刚下车看到的风景跟从前在Steveson的差别不是太大,心想可能会失望了。但走到行程的一半,才渐渐的领略到它的独特韵味,一路上鸟,蟋蟀,跟农场的各种声音互相交错, 犹如一首田园交响曲。一路上看到钓鱼的,还有打猎的人。

在一个偏僻的角落,竟是一个神秘的苹果花园,让我想起了My neighbour Totoro里的秘密通道,只可惜里面没有Totoro!里面满地是苹果,我们爬到树上也摘了不少。只是苹果长得奇形怪状,不愧是Organic的无农药产品。
回家看到刚洗好的苹果,有很多疤痕,应该都是给鸟叼出来的。看来大自然的力量真是神奇,仿佛苹果也有自然愈合的能力。





Sunday, October 01, 2006

Garibordi Lake

























星期四完成了模型跟贴图制作。我对图层跟一些其他的方面进行了改进。我对自己的工作精神跟能力是很有信心的。天下无难事,只怕有心人!在加拿大这一点就更真切了。

昨天到Garibaldi Lake 大约距离squamish35公里. 终点有海拔1500米高。 我的新爬山鞋成为满清十八刑具。 最终忍无可忍,只能把鞋的前端切掉了,终于彻底的解放了我的食指。

爬山的来程花了大约6个小时,行程9公里。一路上都是比较陡的斜坡,我叫苦连连,可是因为心中有着看到奇峰异景的希望,还是坚持下去了,一路也没有怎么停。
终点的风景如人间天堂,再辛苦还是值得的!

拍的照片不多,可大部分我都挺满意的。有时候觉得自己还真是挺有艺术天分的! 哈